[ Well, Otonashi asked for it... He's immediately greeted by Kise's extremely sad, distraught face. And wailing. Lots of wailing. ]
Usually he at least gives you advice if you ask about something, even if it's Akashicchi advice! I was really upset and he got mad at me about doing all this stuff he does to Henry anyway!
Otonashi inhales, holds it for a moment, then slowly releases it to force a moment of calm. Looks like he's going to need his patience for this one. ]
Slow down, Kise.
So he's being a hypocrite about something again. It's okay for him to do something, but not for anyone else. Maybe he thinks he's above the rules he sets for everyone else. But what were you even doing to Henry..?!
Were you trying to get advice on how to do something best, I just... I don't understand this.
[ His voice breaks, cuts off like a snap. He doesn't want to talk about this, doesn't want to think about it. About what he'd done, how he'd hurt Henry, even if it hadn't exactly been him in control at the time.
Maybe if he's a brat, Otonashi will let him brush this off. Get away with dropping the subject. ]
It's fine, I just... forgot for a second that it was Akashicchi. It's stupid, never mind.
[ Otonashi snaps back without a sliver of hesitation. He begins firm, his eyes narrowing as if scrutinizing the model through the video. ]
Come on. You didn't actually think I was going to buy that, did you? You'd have to do a lot better than that to throw me after your voice broke like that... [ Here, he softens, his shoulders sagging. ]
At least you're acknowledging it... [ So many refuse to. Like Akashi, for example. There's always some "justification" for what he does, whether there's an excuse for it or not. ]
I'm not Akashi, but I'll try. First I need to know what's even going on... So something happened with Henry. Something awful, something you don't want to talk about, and Akashi lashes out at you for it. But Akashi normally does whatever you did to Henry and thinks it's okay for him to hurt Henry.
[ So Akashi doing awful things and considering himself above the rules that apply to everyone else, perhaps? Sure, he can believe it. ]
[ That gets a short, sharp laugh out of Kise, nothing like amusement in the sound at all. ]
Yeah, it's weird. It works for them, I guess, though. Just not for anyone else, huh?
[ He's silent for a second, dragging in a ragged breath, looking down, away, not meeting Otonashi's eyes. ]
I thought— I thought I was someone else. Something else. And I hurt Henry because he wanted me to, but that doesn't make it okay. And Akashicchi got pissed that I'd done it at all, that I wanted to talk about it. He pretty much said I was being stupid and shallow and selfish seeking reassurance, wanting to be told it was okay.
[ He smiles, and it looks sick. ]
I guess it was. I did want him to tell me it was okay.
Maybe it works for them on the surface, but I don't think it's... functional.
[ Anything encouraging mutual murder for the sake of the experience and "fun" is firmly filed away under "completely dysfunctional" and "almost certainly dangerous."
Otonashi pointedly avoids saying that the act of hurting is completely and utterly okay. ]
It wouldn't be okay if you were proud of it and telling him because you wanted praise. But it's not gossip fodder. Can I ask why you went to him for help, though..? He doesn't seem like...
[ While Otonashi trails off, the implication of Akashi doesn't seem like the most sensitive person about human emotion remains even still. ]
[ He sighs, and his smile flickers. He tries to keep it rueful, self-deprecating, but it just ends up looking pained. ]
I thought that since it's Akashicchi, he wouldn't judge me for it, you know? Because he's already done worse. So I thought it'd be okay to tell him. I thought he'd listen to me, and... I really did think he'd say that it was okay. [ A beat. ] Since it was important, and it wasn't anything he hasn't done.
Maybe he thinks that you needing reassurance is a weakness.
[ His own eyes flick offscreen for a moment, and his shoulders sag slightly as he exhales. ]
He's wrong. Akashi's wrong about a lot of things... But he seems to, ah— almost hold you guys to a different standard than he holds me, or even Henry. I don't know this for sure, but if I was—I dunno, hypnotized or possessed, not myself—and I hurt Henry and went to him, maybe he'd just wonder why I did it. I could hear him saying how "unusual" that is for me and telling me not to get to wrapped up in crazytown because it'd be troublesome if I was...
[ He pauses, considering. ]
Or maybe he would still get angry, because they have a thing and someone interrupted it. [ Akashi does the friendship thing very, very strangely. Pushing it a bit further to assume he also does the "mutual bonding" thing strangely, especially when it involves harm and murder in the background, doesn't seem so farfetched. ]
Akashicchi's complicated. [ Understatement. Such an understatement. ] But I know we're different to him. That's why I thought it'd be okay to ask him.
[ He lifts his shoulder in a self-deprecating shrug. What a good idea that'd been, huh? Just because Akashi thinks all the Generation of Miracles are in some way his and treats them accordingly, it doesn't mean that Akashi's going to treat them nicely all the time. He knows that. He knows that Akashi's weird with friendship (and it is friendship, no matter what Akashi says), but still. Just because that's how Akashi always acts, doesn't mean he should act like this. Otonashi's right about that. ]
I just didn't expect him to be so selfish about it, I guess. Anyway, I'm okay. [ It's only partially a lie. He's not the type to let others get him down so much, even if his smile is still a little wan. But he's obviously not really himself, and he definitely wouldn't turn down a visit and a distraction. ] Just talking about it's been helping.
Yeah, I know you're okay... [ "Okay" does not necessarily equate to "well," not does it satisfy the persistent redhead on the other side of the feed. Kise is precisely the type who might flash a feigned smile, crack an idle joke about the situation long enough to get someone off the line, only to dive headfirst back into worry.
Smiles and their accompanying little dismissive shrugs are rarely enough to shake Otonashi. ]
You're telling me a visit wouldn't make it better? Come on. Give me some of your gossip or something. I'll bring you that picture I drew of Murasakibara and we'll all have a good laugh. My treat.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
trainwrecking) wrote2014-05-28 09:13 am
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You can at least explain! You really don't want me filling in the blanks here
[ That's how monsters happen. ]
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Akashicchi and I were just comparing notes, so you can ignore it.
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Somehow that makes me worry more, not less. You and Akashi comparing notes about the size and skill level of other boys.
Yeah.
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Yet you won't tell me a thing. Pretty suspicious.
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We gossip about everyone!
But don't worry, this isn't about you. I can tell you if you really want to know!
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And what do you mean you gossip about ME, what's there to gossip about?! I don't even DO anything worth the gossip!!
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Well, we do when Akashicchi's not being a jerk.
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[ Also he has a tip-off from Kagami that something's up and miragen babies are fighting. ]
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There's being a jerk and then there's being a JERK ლ (#｀ﾛ＾;)>
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I came and poured my heart out and he got mad at me for it instead of helping!!
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A true friend is someone who totally goes there but is good for the long run. Right? ]
Kise. That happens a lot, you're going to have to be a bit more specific. Why was he angry? He isn't the type to get flustered easily.
This might be easier on audio, tone gets lost with text.
text --> video;
Usually he at least gives you advice if you ask about something, even if it's Akashicchi advice! I was really upset and he got mad at me about doing all this stuff he does to Henry anyway!
text --> video;
Otonashi inhales, holds it for a moment, then slowly releases it to force a moment of calm. Looks like he's going to need his patience for this one. ]
Slow down, Kise.
So he's being a hypocrite about something again. It's okay for him to do something, but not for anyone else. Maybe he thinks he's above the rules he sets for everyone else. But what were you even doing to Henry..?!
Were you trying to get advice on how to do something best, I just... I don't understand this.
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[ His voice breaks, cuts off like a snap. He doesn't want to talk about this, doesn't want to think about it. About what he'd done, how he'd hurt Henry, even if it hadn't exactly been him in control at the time.
Maybe if he's a brat, Otonashi will let him brush this off. Get away with dropping the subject. ]
It's fine, I just... forgot for a second that it was Akashicchi. It's stupid, never mind.
[ And maybe pigs will fly. ]
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[ Otonashi snaps back without a sliver of hesitation. He begins firm, his eyes narrowing as if scrutinizing the model through the video. ]
Come on. You didn't actually think I was going to buy that, did you? You'd have to do a lot better than that to throw me after your voice broke like that... [ Here, he softens, his shoulders sagging. ]
What's wrong?
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I just... the stuff I did, it was awful.
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I'm not Akashi, but I'll try. First I need to know what's even going on... So something happened with Henry. Something awful, something you don't want to talk about, and Akashi lashes out at you for it. But Akashi normally does whatever you did to Henry and thinks it's okay for him to hurt Henry.
[ So Akashi doing awful things and considering himself above the rules that apply to everyone else, perhaps? Sure, he can believe it. ]
Their relationship is ... odd, isn't it.
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Yeah, it's weird. It works for them, I guess, though. Just not for anyone else, huh?
[ He's silent for a second, dragging in a ragged breath, looking down, away, not meeting Otonashi's eyes. ]
I thought— I thought I was someone else. Something else. And I hurt Henry because he wanted me to, but that doesn't make it okay. And Akashicchi got pissed that I'd done it at all, that I wanted to talk about it. He pretty much said I was being stupid and shallow and selfish seeking reassurance, wanting to be told it was okay.
[ He smiles, and it looks sick. ]
I guess it was. I did want him to tell me it was okay.
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[ Anything encouraging mutual murder for the sake of the experience and "fun" is firmly filed away under "completely dysfunctional" and "almost certainly dangerous."
Otonashi pointedly avoids saying that the act of hurting is completely and utterly okay. ]
It wouldn't be okay if you were proud of it and telling him because you wanted praise. But it's not gossip fodder. Can I ask why you went to him for help, though..? He doesn't seem like...
[ While Otonashi trails off, the implication of Akashi doesn't seem like the most sensitive person about human emotion remains even still. ]
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[ He sighs, and his smile flickers. He tries to keep it rueful, self-deprecating, but it just ends up looking pained. ]
I thought that since it's Akashicchi, he wouldn't judge me for it, you know? Because he's already done worse. So I thought it'd be okay to tell him. I thought he'd listen to me, and... I really did think he'd say that it was okay. [ A beat. ] Since it was important, and it wasn't anything he hasn't done.
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[ His own eyes flick offscreen for a moment, and his shoulders sag slightly as he exhales. ]
He's wrong. Akashi's wrong about a lot of things... But he seems to, ah— almost hold you guys to a different standard than he holds me, or even Henry. I don't know this for sure, but if I was—I dunno, hypnotized or possessed, not myself—and I hurt Henry and went to him, maybe he'd just wonder why I did it. I could hear him saying how "unusual" that is for me and telling me not to get to wrapped up in crazytown because it'd be troublesome if I was...
[ He pauses, considering. ]
Or maybe he would still get angry, because they have a thing and someone interrupted it. [ Akashi does the friendship thing very, very strangely. Pushing it a bit further to assume he also does the "mutual bonding" thing strangely, especially when it involves harm and murder in the background, doesn't seem so farfetched. ]
... Do you need me to come over?
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[ He lifts his shoulder in a self-deprecating shrug. What a good idea that'd been, huh? Just because Akashi thinks all the Generation of Miracles are in some way his and treats them accordingly, it doesn't mean that Akashi's going to treat them nicely all the time. He knows that. He knows that Akashi's weird with friendship (and it is friendship, no matter what Akashi says), but still. Just because that's how Akashi always acts, doesn't mean he should act like this. Otonashi's right about that. ]
I just didn't expect him to be so selfish about it, I guess. Anyway, I'm okay. [ It's only partially a lie. He's not the type to let others get him down so much, even if his smile is still a little wan. But he's obviously not really himself, and he definitely wouldn't turn down a visit and a distraction. ] Just talking about it's been helping.
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Smiles and their accompanying little dismissive shrugs are rarely enough to shake Otonashi. ]
You're telling me a visit wouldn't make it better? Come on. Give me some of your gossip or something. I'll bring you that picture I drew of Murasakibara and we'll all have a good laugh. My treat.
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video --> action;
action;
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