IC Inbox @ Ophiuchus

[trainwrecking]

Ah, this is Yuzuru Otonashi. Sorry, but I can't get to the phone right now. If you leave a message, I'll get back to you whenever I can.

Comments

(mis)text - 10/3

[outplays]

There aren't many things I'm uncertain about, but I'm not entirely sure how this sex toy is meant to work.

(mis)text - 10/3

[trainwrecking]

excuse me WHAT

which ONE?! and why would you

[ The text gets cut off there, but the gist of the shock and horror is wonderfully intact. ]

[outplays]

The one with the... clamp-like bit? I'm not sure how else to describe it.

[trainwrecking]

But why do you think I would know?!

it sounds like a torture device to me!

[outplays]

Well, I meant to text somebody else, but it seems that this message was destined to go to you.

[trainwrecking]

Wow. Great! I'm honored. [ He's not. He's really, really not. ]

[outplays]

The forces that be seem to have ordained it, Yuzuru. Perhaps this is a sign that you need to rise to destiny?

[trainwrecking]

What a destiny to have. When I was young, I sat down and thought to myself, "oh gods, I want to be a great sex toy encyclopedia someday! MAKE IT SO!"

Okay just

Send me a picture

Maybe it's a surgical tool and not a sex toy at all

[outplays]

Oh, no, I highly doubt that.

[ Picture attached. ]

[trainwrecking]

You've got to be joking

That's not a toy, it's a nightmare! I don't know uh
see if it

squeaks

or roars

[outplays]

I have prodded it and it neither squeaked nor roared. It did make an interesting sound, but I think that's the leather(?) material it's made of.

I'm not entirely sure it's leather, to be honest.

[trainwrecking]

Well. I'm out of ideas.

I'm surprised you didn't just ask the network about it, knowing you.

[outplays]

I tried. As I mentioned, though, it seems this message was destined for you instead.

I know you are invested in the state of our household's sex toys, after all.

[ Why else would Otonashi put disinfecting directions in the Box of Shame? ]

[trainwrecking]

What?! Why would you say something like that?! I'm not "invested" I've never even used one!!

[outplays]

I saw the instructions for disinfectant, Yuzuru, no need to be shy about it.

[trainwrecking]

THAT'S DIFFERENT

That's so you guys don't end up getting sick from using and reusing! The only thing I even know how to USE from that box is the vibrator!!

[outplays]

If you needed help figuring some of them out, all you had to do was say so, Yuzuru.

typos intentional

[trainwrecking]

ASLO NOT WHAT I MEANTL;,

THATS OKAY I''m justfine without them thANKS!1 I get by finewihth regular boring stuff!

[ Sometimes you can just hear the tone, the blushing, and the complete embarrassment. ]

[outplays]

[ It's part of what makes him so endearing...! Akashi probably shouldn't think that of people his age, but he doesn't care. ]

No need to be so shy. You can ascend from "regular boring stuff" if you put in just a little extra effort, I assure you.

I suggest starting with the cock ring, personally.

[trainwrecking]

I LIKE MY REGULAR BORING STUFF

and what would I do with a ring for a penis, huh?! I'm not looking to bedazzle anyone!

[ Because it's decor, right, like a wedding ring? I now pronounce you man and penis. You may kiss the head..?? ]

[outplays]

Have you heard that some people experience more intense orgasms by drawing the build-up for longer? That's what cock rings are for.

[ Akashi's always here to help with his wealth of knowledge on many important things about the world!! ]

[trainwrecking]

[ What a true friend, forcing Otonashi to face his embarrassment. ]

I probably shouldnt ask but do you know that from experience...?? I uh

er

I don't know how to say this even in text. damnit.

[outplays]

I'll leave that up to your imagination, Yuzuru. Though I'm sure the reality isn't as interesting.

[trainwrecking]

[ Curiously, it takes a literal half hour for a text to come back. ]

answering this text was a mistake

[ Cryptic... ]

[outplays]

Hindsight is so regularly 20/20, isn't it.