IC Inbox @ Ophiuchus

[trainwrecking]

Ah, this is Yuzuru Otonashi. Sorry, but I can't get to the phone right now. If you leave a message, I'll get back to you whenever I can.

Comments

[trainwrecking]

You've got to be joking

That's not a toy, it's a nightmare! I don't know uh
see if it

squeaks

or roars

[outplays]

I have prodded it and it neither squeaked nor roared. It did make an interesting sound, but I think that's the leather(?) material it's made of.

I'm not entirely sure it's leather, to be honest.

[trainwrecking]

Well. I'm out of ideas.

I'm surprised you didn't just ask the network about it, knowing you.

[outplays]

I tried. As I mentioned, though, it seems this message was destined for you instead.

I know you are invested in the state of our household's sex toys, after all.

[ Why else would Otonashi put disinfecting directions in the Box of Shame? ]

[trainwrecking]

What?! Why would you say something like that?! I'm not "invested" I've never even used one!!

[outplays]

I saw the instructions for disinfectant, Yuzuru, no need to be shy about it.

[trainwrecking]

THAT'S DIFFERENT

That's so you guys don't end up getting sick from using and reusing! The only thing I even know how to USE from that box is the vibrator!!

[outplays]

If you needed help figuring some of them out, all you had to do was say so, Yuzuru.

typos intentional

[trainwrecking]

ASLO NOT WHAT I MEANTL;,

THATS OKAY I''m justfine without them thANKS!1 I get by finewihth regular boring stuff!

[ Sometimes you can just hear the tone, the blushing, and the complete embarrassment. ]

[outplays]

[ It's part of what makes him so endearing...! Akashi probably shouldn't think that of people his age, but he doesn't care. ]

No need to be so shy. You can ascend from "regular boring stuff" if you put in just a little extra effort, I assure you.

I suggest starting with the cock ring, personally.

[trainwrecking]

I LIKE MY REGULAR BORING STUFF

and what would I do with a ring for a penis, huh?! I'm not looking to bedazzle anyone!

[ Because it's decor, right, like a wedding ring? I now pronounce you man and penis. You may kiss the head..?? ]

[outplays]

Have you heard that some people experience more intense orgasms by drawing the build-up for longer? That's what cock rings are for.

[ Akashi's always here to help with his wealth of knowledge on many important things about the world!! ]

[trainwrecking]

[ What a true friend, forcing Otonashi to face his embarrassment. ]

I probably shouldnt ask but do you know that from experience...?? I uh

er

I don't know how to say this even in text. damnit.

[outplays]

I'll leave that up to your imagination, Yuzuru. Though I'm sure the reality isn't as interesting.

[trainwrecking]

[ Curiously, it takes a literal half hour for a text to come back. ]

answering this text was a mistake

[ Cryptic... ]

[outplays]

Hindsight is so regularly 20/20, isn't it.

[trainwrecking]

Yeah, but I think you did some of this on purpose. For amusement.

That box isn't here anyway...

[outplays]

Not at all. It was just a whim of fate, as I said earlier.

And I can get it back whenever you like, you know.

[trainwrecking]

Sure, sure... That's one of those arguments I can't prove or disprove anyway. It's just pointless whining at this point, anyway...

That's not what I meant either, just get it back whenever you want it! Just promise to make sure whoever you loaned it to is responsible with it! If it shows back up I'll clean it and the circle of life will continue I dunno

[ You know what wounds he would rather not treat? Wounds from mishaps with the box of shame. ]

[outplays]

I don't believe that he's even used it this entire time, so I'm sure it's in top-notch condition... or at least, I'd hope it was.

Don't worry too much. I don't believe it has caused any injuries to date.

[trainwrecking]

Great news, the box lives to see another day and make its heartwarming journey home to become the weirdest centerpiece on the planet.

I just can't wait...

[ Wow, that's enthusiasm you can feel right there. ]

Well good, because you know you can fracture a penis. And that's one thing on my list of "things I'd like to never encounter"

[outplays]

I can sense the thrum of excitement running through your body at the prospects of the box's soon-to-be homecoming.

And believe it or not, I'd really rather not encounter a fractured penis myself. Unfortunately, it also seems... somewhat more likely here than under normal circumstances. If anything, I'm shocked nobody has experienced one yet.

[trainwrecking]

[ Damn it, Akashi. WHY THIS.

But he's collected enough to respond due to the unanimous horror over broken body parts. ]

You know, maybe we ought to just leave it at that. I'm not particularly superstitious but considering this freak storm and misdirected messages, I don't want to invoke some kind of bad luck...

[outplays]

It'd be proof that bad things come in threes, doesn't it? Unfortunate mistexts, an electrical storm, and a fractured penis. There's almost something poetic about it, really.

[trainwrecking]

"Poetic?" Maybe if you're writing a cruel joke of a haiku...

[ But it would be the greatest haiku. ]

I'd call that a cautionary tale if it happened and nightmare fuel even if it doesn't.